This previous summer, a few gentlemen in the southern United States held a press conference and stated that not only did they discover the remains of the body of the famous folklore legend, Bigfoot, but there were scores of them, living in a community in a secret forest. Well, I did the first thing any normal, red-blooded American would have done: I started full-scale production on a line of hygiene products specifically targeted at our larger-than-life brethren, and sparing no expense on making it the top of the line. I don't have to be the first to tell you this story does not have a happy ending for me. After the media cried hoax on the Bigfoot discovery, yours truly was left with a warehouse full of extra strength medicated Sass-crotch powder and a valuable lesson: Don't borrow $400,000 from the mafia.
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